Ok .. Men!! LOL ... Ladies we all roll our eyes when we say that word at some point :) ... I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and on a serious note in terms of relationships and the people we meet throughout life's journey .... Some I think are definitely a lesson learned and best rid of and unfortunately, that's pretty much how it is now for me personally. I'm not saying all men are shit bags, of course they're not, but I've been too unguarded in the past and too lenient and accepting of crap I shouldn't have even considered as I'm better than all of it .... I've been so hurt and abused, physically, emotionally and mentally, one experience I can't even speak about because it is so traumatic and the main reason I truly believe the past is best left there ... Not just for our own sake but if you have any shred of intention and hope of moving on, it's so not fair to project that onto someone new in your life, it hurts them and they just end up feeling second best and issue sponge to your past ... That's really not fair on them ... I just know as a whole, I don't think I like men ... I like the guys I'm friends with, they're terrific human beings but the thought of a man in my life, having to change to please him, no fucking way .... No man out there as far as I know, would be willing to accept me for just me, without wanting to tweak me in some way or another ... Why should I change to suit them? I refuse to do that, I would have 10 years ago, but definitely not now ... The thought of a man beside me wanting cuddles ... Just ugh ... No ... Odd thing is I want the closeness, I want the love but the physical contact makes me feel physically sick just thinking about it ... The male form makes me feel sick for the most part.... When I get a hug, it's because I allow someone that closeness because I trust them ... I don't have issues in that sense but when a guy shows interest, then off goes my upchuck reflex into overdrive LOL ... I'm just plain odd! :) Or am I just tip top wised up?
Does anyone else share the same feelings and emotions too? I kind of feel alone in how I feel sometimes, what I really also can't stand is when a man is full on interested and proclaims he is madly in love with me, then it all switches to a 180 in a split second and blink of an eye and suddenly he's distant and really not that in love with me at all ... How am I ever supposed to believe it when a man tells me he loves me? ... Bottom line is, I don't now ... More pain, more reason to just never allow anyone near me ... I remain as I am for a lot of reasons, it's definitely for the best all round ... That way I don't get hurt, no one saying they're interested gets mucked about and things remain uncomplicated as much as possible ... So please, don't get ideas about me ... I'm officially unavailable and will remain that way ... It's safer, it's sensible and I'm not an issue punchbag or here to become embroiled in complications that will ultimately hurt me and make me feel unappreciated and unimportant in comparison to your needs and past matters ... I'm not here to seek the approval of others, I live my life how I see fit ... I don't ask other people if it's ok to just be me and to approve of those I choose to let in ... I certainly don't look to my past for answers in the present ... My advice here, for what it may or may not be worth is, if you really do love someone, don't just say it ... Help them to believe it and help them to feel like they really are your world and your everything, because if they are anything like me, you'll lose them in a heartbeat .... Same applies to friendship ... If you treat a friend like dirt then you're no friend to them ... They shouldn't have to put up with crap from you!
How they treat you is how they feel about you.
No one heals themselves by wounding another.