Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Up Late, So Thought I'd Blog

Been a little while since I last blogged, so just thought I would update as I'm up late and wide awake at the moment, it's been a bit of an up and down kind of time, I've made some decisions that might have shocked a few people but to me, they were wise decisions after much thought.... I don't think I made the wrong decisions for all concerned, some may argue that, but I'm sure pretty much from my side of the fence anyway .... Unless you actually know me and everything about me, you probably wouldn't understand my decision making .... I spent too many years of my life treated like I was a convenience, a cushion and someone who would always be there, no matter how shit our situation made me feel ... It's not entirely this person's fault either, it was a very painful and traumatic situation for all parties involved and not something I wish to live again in any form ... I was overshadowed all the time, expected almost to just take whatever each day brought, never to be accepted I guess ... I refuse to do that again.  It simply isn't worth the sacrifice to your self worth, your health both mentally and physically and to really lose yourself in something you have no say in and no way of knowing which way to turn to try and make it remotely improve, is just not a road I would advise anyone to take in life for the sake of trying to "be there" for someone you love and care for.... By all means be supportive and do what you can, but don't sink yourself trying to keep other's afloat ... They need to help themselves and not completely depend on you for that.

I've also noticed some trolling going on in terms of my Facebook account ... It's pathetic, I've much better things to focus my time and energy on .... So ... If you are out to cause drama and trouble on social media, don't honestly ever expect me to become a part of that and help and assist you .... You're on your own sunshine ..... I've dealt with one too many lunatics and idiots online in my time to ever wish to become embroiled in more shit.  

In terms of the sarcoidosis, well it's still there LOL .... I've had my painkiller dosage altered to a stronger dose, which is thankfully helping quite a bit .... I'm also trying very hard to keep going, anyone in pain and/or with a chronic illness will understand and appreciate fully just how hard that can sometimes be.  Work is great ... Still happy, still enjoying what I do ... 

I'm not sure if I have already mentioned this previously, but my mum is now confirmed as having dementia, I saw her earlier today and she really isn't well at all .... It's so sad seeing her like this now ... She's always been so energetic, so busy, always on the go and dashing about, razor sharp minded and seeing her reduced to who she is now, it's so cruel .... This really isn't what my mum deserves .... I just wish life hadn't been so cruel to her lately ... When I first got told about her diagnosis, I must admit I did fall apart a little bit ... I needed to feel like there was some support there, it didn't feel like it truly was and I felt quite alone .... I spent last weekend mostly in bed sick, thanks to pain and fatigue, I just could have done with something, yes I have got my sons but I don't want to be a nuisance or burden on them, they are both young and should be enjoying their life now, while they can .... At their age it's an adventure ... They should enjoy every second ... I try and encourage that and the last thing I want is them worrying about me .... 

So that's basically it .... I see my rheumatologist in a few weeks, so will mention the pain as usual, the fatigue and end up feeling disgruntled and frustrated as usual, no doubt it'll be like talking to someone who doesn't give a shit, will probably be in a hurry like always and tell me how well I look just for good measure to rub salt in the wound a bit more ... I hope he will at least have the time of day for me, being that I haven't seen this man in many months now ... 

I have been making graphics too, but will upload them at another time, but if you want to see them then all you need to do is click on the link at the top of the page titled "My Glitter Graphics Profile" or here if you don't feel like scrolling up LOL 

Goodnight, sweet dreams and thank you for popping by! :) 

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