Good morning, it's been ages since I last blogged so here I am again! I've been making some new graphics which I'll post at the end of this, in the meantime, well ... It's been a very stressful break from work ... My eldest son has been really poorly and so has my mum ... The pair of them combined, have sent me into almost a state of complete meltdown lol ... Not their fault at all, I know that, I just need a break on this break :) ... Anyway, I think mum now knows I'm sick, not because of the sarcoidosis ... Oh no, she truly doesn't, in a sense, give a shit about that ... I don't think it's because she doesn't care as such, she just doesn't get it ... If she had a diagnosis herself then it'd be different ... No one around me understands it, I piss them all off at various points because they can't be arsed to try and understand it, or they throw the 'oh well, I get pain too' shit back at me and make out they're some kind of superhero for managing despite ... I'm sick of these attitudes so as a result I won't be making an effort for or with these people in future ... Either accept me and the fact I have this, or walk away .... Sorry, this wasn't set out to be a rant ... I also have a cold, sore throat and cough and that's why mum has backed off .... Now. of course I'd never treat mum like that .. She just doesn't understand and she is old bless her ... But someone who isn't close or family can swivel on my mid digit and cry ....
I was supposed to be having a catch up with my girls over coffee earlier in the month, I let them down because of this illness, they were absolutely fine about it, so ladies, it's not aimed at you either ... Just in case you pop by and have a read ... I know we can hopefully catch up at some point ... I know you are both fine about it too which is lovely of you and I appreciate it ....
I was also supposed to be looking after Eddie's brother Gonzo, I let my friends down at the last minute, that was the shittiest thing on my part, I felt terrible about it especially as they were so kind in offering to help, my kids were being really difficult as well and a situation arose which I don't want to mention publicly but will discuss with them in private .. I do need to speak to my friends about that and I'm sure they were upset but they're not the types of people to be unkind ... So yes, I do owe them an explanation and some coffee ... So no, this isn't aimed at them and I'm glad they did find someone to take care of him as he is a beautiful boy and wonderful company........
My sister Maria, now .... She's the best person and sister ever ... Everyone should have someone like her in their lives ... If they don't then they're going to be very alone ... Even in my darker years, I knew she was there ... The thing was , because of the way things were, I stopped communicating with the outside world ... My kids, Maria and an altered mindset thanks to Maria and mum were reasons why I began to feel like I was worth something again ... It took a very long time ...... So, my point now is ..... You either accept I have this sarcoidosis and all that goes with it, you accept I also have endometriosis and all that pain and discomfort too, you accept I have depression and anxiety, you accept I have fibromyalgia caused by sarcoidosis, you accept all of that and me as me or you can get out my life ... I truly don't want you in my life unless you can just accept me the way I am ... I'm not unreliable ... My illnessses, however, are .... 2 haemorrhages over the summer break, a sarcoidosis episode inclusive of Bell's Palsy and pain throughout my entire body, I would love to see you being all yippidy dippidy with that lot!
So, if you were one of those who couldn't be bothered to understand then kindly remove yourself from my life ... Find someone who fits the criteria for the perfect human to be your friend and whatever else I suppose....
Ok now that's a load off LOL ... So I seem to have spent my summer break stressed and sick pretty much ... However, not to outweigh the good times as I have had some beautiful moments this August .... Eddie ... Oh yes, the light of my life ... The walks we have been on, he knows when I'm sick, he never pulls on the lead while we walk to the fields, he stays close to me, unless he goes into mental bunny chase mode LOL ... Then he's just cuter than cute :) .... I have some beautiful videos and photo's from this summer ... So there were good times, I did however have a breakdown, just so much pain and inside too, I dropped to my knees and cried and cried and cried ... It was late and thankfully no one was around, just Eddie and me, he sat beside me, looked at me very worried, didn't move from my side for the rest of the evening and night ... It wasn't all bad and crappy health stuff, but just in that moment, I didn't want to be here any more........
So, I'm back at work later this week .... Wow, it went so quick .... Also, I'm having wrist tattoos done in a few days ... Been promising them to myself for years and just threw caution to the wind and in a mad moment, booked them ... Besides I know these guys are the best ... My son has a beautiful sleeve in progress ... My lower back tattoo was done by the guy I'm going to ... He has a glowing reputation internationally ... So I know I'm in the best hands there ... I'm really excited about it ... Can't wait! :)
Ok so about those graphics I made LOL ... Here they are, please don't try and alter them in any way or remove the copyright, that's just illegal ... Please don't claim them as your own or copy them as that's just plain wrong .... On that note, enjoy!
Those are some Autumn ones I've made, more to come next time!
No comments:
Post a Comment