2 Blogs In 1 Day 😆

I was planning on blogging earlier but life wasn't about to play nice after all LOL .. Today started off reasonably ok, the usual aches and pains ... I've been a bit under the weather and put it down to the sore throat, cold and cough ... Blah ... Anyway, I decided to have another quiet day, thought I would get some more bits done this afternoon but it just didn't happen ... Yet again I'm having stomach problems and it really is getting me down so much now ... I know I could be way worse off than I am and I don't mean to complain but please, just please can I have one day where I wake up feeling ok? ... I feel awful for complaining as I know with all my heart and soul I could be way worse off than I am .... I think I'm just so tired of everything ... I have actually had very brief moments this summer, of actually wishing I wasn't here any more ... I've not had anything like this since around 2011/2012 ... Everything is such a struggle, everywhere I turn the onus falls on me to sort shit out and I'm tired of having to do that when I'm not operating at maximum capacity and output ... I am quiet with friends, people I'm close with and with family ... This isn't like me ... Everything is way too much ... I have no doubt that I'll snap out of it ... I'm sure I will ... I just hope it's soon .... 

It's hard to explain how chronic pain and illness affects you, especially to a person who doesn't experience this ... I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I wouldn't wish any illness on anyone ... I was too sick to walk Eddie today so my youngest helped .... For me to be too poorly to walk him means I am really unwell as I walk him with all sorts wrong with me ... I thought the break from work would give me time to recharge and feel better, instead it's pelted fucking stress at me like being hit every single time by a fucking giant flying buffalo ... 

I don't know what the answer is ..... I just want the fuck out as this is so not what I signed up for! ... God I sound so ungrateful .. I know I do ... I will look back at this and feel so ashamed ... I should be too as I appreciate how precious life is .... Don't get me wrong, it is beautiful and precious in every way .... But, I've come to the conclusion that I'm taking on way too much ... Yes I choose to be a one person operation, no not through complete choice, but no one chooses to be widowed ... I certainly didn't ... I also didn't ask for the shit storm after Dave died .... I'm not bitter either, I hate being in pain ... Yes that is one thing I do hate but hating people, whether they're dickheads or not, is a total waste of time and energy ... 

So yes, dear whatever force of good you are out there, I've had enough ... Please help lighten my load and stop this I'm carrying a double decker bus on my shoulders feeling and yes, one day without pain would be so nice ... I'll probably think I've died and gone to heaven .... Please don't make me have to deal with shit heads any more either ... Haven't I known enough?

Oh yes, one last thing ... I want to move away from here .... I don't mean to be ungrateful for being where I am, it's lovely, but something is making me feel like it's time to go .... Like it's saying it'll be better if I do .... I just don't know where ... First time I ever had this feeling ... Like I should go but without any sense of direction as to where .... I know one thing, if I do then I ideally would like to be near a beach .... A nice beach, not some shitty place ... (Fussy bitch LOL)

So yeah, I'm very unsettled, in a lot of pain ... I can't settle in my chair tonight as it hurts so fucking much ... I don't want to be angry about it but I know I am coming across that way because I am angry .... 

It feels like my soul doesn't belong in this body ... Yep weirdo alert lol ... That's what it feels like ... I want to be running pain free through a meadow, the hot sun shining down on me ... With my Eddie baby dog beside me, no bodily restrictions, no mental torture, no feelings of abandonment haunting me any more ... I want someone I love there waiting to greet me .... I want to sit out at night looking up at the moon and stars,  I want my dad, my Harry dad I mean ... I want Dave, I should just shut up, I know ......

I am very appreciative of what I have .... I'm too restricted though body wise ... I feel imprisoned in a pain jail ... You can feel like there's a way out thanks to strong pain killers but it's all a lie ... You're still there when it all wears off ... Sure you can try and forget it all like I do, you can distract yourself with a hobby or a small job but that physical pain is always there .... You can try not to focus on it, you have to try so you can even live just a little ... It'll give you great moments and help you to make some amazing memories .... That's what you have to hold on to while living, that's what I tell myself every single day .... Because I have no choice, doesn't matter what I want, I have to rise above that and be grateful for what I have ... I have 2 beautiful kids and a beautiful dog ... An amazing and beautiful sister with Maria and yes I do have a handful of people who are worth everything to me .... But my soul wants out at times ... I don't even know if I'm making sense ... I look around and there's so much beauty in life, so much beauty on this planet, so much that makes me feel so disconnected to most people I know ... I couldn't have this conversation with 99% of the people I know as they'd swear blind I'm crazy LOL ... They'd probably think I took a few too many painkillers LOL ... So on that note I think it's time for bed ... Hopefully I'll settle and feel suitably horrible in the morning for posting this entry ... It's a mindset I'm in and yes I will snap out of it ... Bottom line is I don't feel like my inner being belongs here ... I want to move on ..... I just have no idea where that is ..... Don't worry either, I'm not about to do anything irrational .... It's a craving, a need I guess .... Goodnight, sleep well and look after yourselves .... Thank you for reading, I know I've complained, I know it's wrong ... I'm just being me though ... This is who I am right now in this moment .... Sweet dreams all xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Some New Graphics And A Catch Up ☕

Good morning, it's been ages since I last blogged so here I am again! I've been making some new graphics which I'll post at the end of this, in the meantime, well ... It's been a very stressful break from work ... My eldest son has been really poorly and so has my mum ... The pair of them combined, have sent me into almost a state of complete meltdown lol ... Not their fault at all, I know that, I just need a break on this break :) ... Anyway, I think mum now knows I'm sick, not because of the sarcoidosis ... Oh no, she truly doesn't, in a sense, give a shit about that ... I don't think it's because she doesn't care as such, she just doesn't get it ... If she had a diagnosis herself then it'd be different ... No one around me understands it, I piss them all off at various points because they can't be arsed to try and understand it, or they throw the 'oh well, I get pain too' shit back at me and make out they're some kind of superhero for managing despite ... I'm sick of these attitudes so as a result I won't be making an effort for or with these people in future ... Either accept me and the fact I have this, or walk away .... Sorry, this wasn't set out to be a rant ... I also have a cold, sore throat and cough and that's why mum has backed off .... Now. of course I'd never treat mum like that .. She just doesn't understand and she is old bless her ... But someone who isn't close or family can swivel on my mid digit and cry .... 

I was supposed to be having a catch up with my girls over coffee earlier in the month, I let them down because of this illness, they were absolutely fine about it, so ladies, it's not aimed at you either ... Just in case you pop by and have a read ... I know we can hopefully catch up at some point ... I know you are both fine about it too which is lovely of you and I appreciate it ....

I was also supposed to be looking after Eddie's brother Gonzo, I let my friends down at the last minute, that was the shittiest thing on my part, I felt terrible about it especially as they were so kind in offering to help, my kids were being really difficult as well  and a situation arose which I don't want to mention publicly but will discuss with them in private .. I do need to speak to my friends about that and I'm sure they were upset but they're not the types of people to be unkind ... So yes, I do owe them an explanation and some coffee ... So no, this isn't aimed at them and I'm glad they did find someone to take care of him as he is a beautiful boy and wonderful company........

My sister Maria, now .... She's the best person and sister ever ... Everyone should have someone like her in their lives ... If they don't then they're going to be very alone ... Even in my darker years, I knew she was there ... The thing was , because of the way things were, I stopped communicating with the outside world ... My kids, Maria and an altered mindset thanks to Maria and mum were reasons why I began to feel like I was worth something again ... It took a very long time ...... So, my point now is ..... You either accept I have this sarcoidosis and all that goes with it, you accept I also have endometriosis and all that pain and discomfort too, you accept I have depression and anxiety, you accept I have fibromyalgia caused by sarcoidosis, you accept all of that and me as me or you can get out my life ... I truly don't want you in my life unless you can just accept me the way I am ... I'm not unreliable ... My illnessses, however, are .... 2 haemorrhages over the summer break, a sarcoidosis episode inclusive of Bell's Palsy and pain throughout my entire body, I would love to see you being all yippidy dippidy with that lot!

So, if you were one of those who couldn't be bothered to understand then kindly remove yourself from my life ... Find someone who fits the criteria for the perfect human to be your friend and whatever else I suppose....

Ok now that's a load off LOL ... So I seem to have spent my summer break stressed and sick pretty much ... However, not to outweigh the good times as I have had some beautiful moments this August .... Eddie ... Oh yes, the light of my life ... The walks we have been on, he knows when I'm sick, he never pulls on the lead while we walk to the fields, he stays close to me, unless he goes into mental bunny chase mode LOL ... Then he's just cuter than cute :) .... I have some beautiful videos and photo's from this summer ... So there were good times, I did however have a breakdown, just so much pain and inside too, I dropped to my knees and cried and cried and cried ... It was late and thankfully no one was around, just Eddie and me, he sat beside me, looked at me very worried, didn't move from my side for the rest of the evening and night ... It wasn't all bad and crappy health stuff, but just in that moment, I didn't want to be here any more........

So, I'm back at work later this week .... Wow, it went so quick .... Also, I'm having wrist tattoos done in a few days ... Been promising them to myself for years and just threw caution to the wind and in a mad moment, booked them ... Besides I know these guys are the best ... My son has a beautiful sleeve in progress ... My lower back tattoo was done by the guy I'm going to ... He has a glowing reputation internationally ... So I know I'm in the best hands there ... I'm really excited about it ... Can't wait! :)

Ok so about those graphics I made LOL ... Here they are, please don't try and alter them in any way or remove the copyright, that's just illegal ... Please don't claim them as your own or copy them as that's just plain wrong .... On that note, enjoy!

Those are some Autumn ones I've made, more to come next time!

A Lot Going On And Straight From The Heart....... 🙍

Yep, a lot has been going on recently .... I truly don't know where to start but I guess the beginning is a good place to try and explain from ... After all the hassle and aggravation with trying to get a new computer, I hoped that would be it and I could start to unwind and enjoy the summer break, but life decided it had other plans for me ..... My eldest son has been sick for weeks and weeks but is back in work now even though he is still unwell .... It's been exhausting and my mum, sadly, has been playing us up ... I never thought I would ever come clean about this ... I've always kept it so quiet and away from places like online social media outlets but I really do not know how much more I can take from this situation and her .... Yes I understand she's old and rather unwell and disabled, but for some reason she is being very rude and spiteful to and about everyone around her who are trying to help and support her .... It reminds me of being a child again and in turn it's throwing back the unhappier memories from my childhood where I sometimes had nowhere to turn to escape bullying as it happened at school and in the home .... An abusive childhood is something I have never really opened up about to anyone ... I've never been able to speak about things that happened and were said and done to me all those years ago ... But now more and more of my loved ones are seeing the reality and I feel such a heavy hearted sadness over it .... I never wanted this for my mum ... As much as she was and is a good mum, I know her and I know this part of her exists as I lived it for 18 years before I left home to start again and try and rebuild with my then boyfriend, who later became my husband ... The only years of my life that were free of abuse were when he was around and alive .... Everyone now sees this side of my mum which I felt I was the only one who saw and I don't know if I am even happy about it ... I don't feel overjoyed at all ... In fact it makes me feel sick to the stomach in all honesty that they see the person who only ever showed that side of themselves to me and possibly my older brother back then .... It's kicking off my anxiety big time ... I've had bouts of it whereby I don't really speak much, I struggle to leave the house even to walk my precious dog ... I am literally petrified all the time, I shake, I spend my time tucked away in bed, I make graphics to try and distract my mind from bad memories, the shouting, the physical harm, the lies .... It's not the only part of my life where I was abused ... It has happened in more recent times but I am not prepared or ready to open up ... I will let life run its course on that score .... Even typing this I've started shaking with fear ... I've always been so afraid of what people will say and how they'll react to something like this coming from me .... I don't want to go back there ... Not ever ... It all really became clear to other people when she started having a home carer, the carers didn't want to go to her as she was abusive to them, told them they were useless, told lies about them etc .... Then one carer came along, we found a lovely lady, the sweetest little soul you could ever wish to meet who genuinely had my mums and our best interests at heart, she kept my mums home spotless, mum was spotlessly clean, well fed, always presentable and even had a lovely new hair cut ... She took mum to Mass, did literally everything for her with a kind and loving heart ... My mum in turn repaid her with abuse, told lies about me and my sis and bro and passed nasty remarks and used foul language aimed at her also .... It made her carer poorly eventually and she just couldn't do it any more ... We lost a wonderful carer and because of this the drama and the hassle and lies began again, first off with a phone call waking me yesterday morning by Colindale police ... Social Services then became involved and made the problem worse ... Now everyone is lying to me apart from my sis and bro ... I simply cannot deal with this shit and why should anyone else be expected to? ... Plus with the illnesses I have, I simply couldn't physically do the things that meet the criteria to care for an elderly person who struggles to walk and has lost the ability to know when they need the toilet ... I don't have the strong stomach for it and the last time I looked after mum it didn't end well .... She abused me, she hit me too (ok it wasn't a good old beating as she's old but she raised her hand to me) then obviously I was to blame, I warned her time and time again I take ages to get ready because I am in a lot of pain all the time, I can't perform any task quickly and people around me do need a great deal of patience ... I take ages to do anything from graphics making to getting ready in the bathroom to housework ... So, I was too slow, I got on her nerves and took too long to do anything and my level of care wasn't good enough according to her, she's basically done the same thing to the last carer who was fantastic, that she's done to me throughout my life ... Made up her side, relayed that to everyone else and the truth remained the smallest grain of salt, there but not for those who don't see it for what it is .... Ugh, I am sorry, this post isn't supposed to be one of those sympathy seeking campaigns ... I'm just trying to get it out my system in a way that I don't have to open my mouth and speak, please don't feel sorry for me ... Hell no, it's not like that ... It is a clarification of why I feel the way I feel and have been feeling throughout my life on and off .... It may even be a strong reason why I am the way I am now .... I'm highly sensitive ... I notice a lot that others don't unless they're like me, I am drawn to artistic souls, deep souls, those who I feel I make an instant connection with and who I just know are on the same page as myself ... Art helps me so much ... Poetry, writing .... Yes I come across as a real bitch ... I know I do, but that is my protection, to stop people I am uncomfortable with getting too close ... I shut them out and I am very standoffish and snotty .... For the record, I can't stand being anywhere near men too .... Men actually make my skin crawl ... I dislike them touching me, hugging me, I cannot ever be alone with a man or I will freeze up completely in fear .... You can draw your own conclusion from that ... I have broken off potential relationships because I just don't want the closeness and intimacy, the thought of it makes me feel sick actually ... That's another reason why a relationship is out of the question .... I'm terrified of male contact ... It makes my skin crawl, my stomach turn and my whole body freeze completely ... First time I have openly admitted this too .... I've always said it's just because I'm happy as I am and yes I am, but that is a huge part why also .... When a guy takes my hand I can't stand it ... I'm always suspicious and waiting for them to hurt me and then they do .... Just don't come near me or get ideas .... It goes a lot deeper than me just wanting to be as I am, sarcoidosis and chronic illness wise as well .... Respect that and me .... Thank you and thank you for reading this blog ... I kind of feel better about opening up, but I still feel such sadness .... My past is knocking on the door, I just hope it doesn't decide to break the door down ... I'm not ready .............................

My Bucket List 🤔

Ok, so I haven't blogged in like, forever, for a few reasons ... First I had no computer for weeks ... My old computer, which wasn't overly old to be honest, I bought it in late 2012, went kaput ... The power supply unit needs replacing ... I made a decision to order a new power supply unit for it and pay for someone to replace it for me so I could keep my old machine ... BIG mistake ... First off I phoned a company called PC Callout Ltd ... They're online as PC Callout.com ... So, I phone and speak to a very nice lady who sends a computer engineer out that same day to me ... Very impressed, although when he got here there was nothing he could do, other than order the power supply unit ... He handed all the details over to the ladies in the office, all of whom, assure me the unit will be delivered by courier the next working day ... As it was Friday I waited til Monday and by the afternoon had heard nothing from them, so I gave them a call .... Was told the unit was ordered and to wait to hear from the engineer ... So I waited ..... And I waited some more.  By Wednesday I was getting rather pissed off as in between waiting I had called the office and been promised 3-4 call backs by then and none had bothered to respond ... I was then told the part wasn't available when I phoned back rather cross .... So then I asked for a refund ... That took this company a week of broken promises of call backs and my money to be returned to me .... All this on top of haemorrhaging and being in absolute agony and my eldest son being poorly as well ... Not a great start to the school holiday ... Anyway by the Friday of last week I was ripping my hair out with it all, my money was eventually refunded and I went with my gut instinct and purchased a new computer and accessories to go, all with a year's warranty for less than what I'd have paid to have my old machine fixed .... I'm almost up and running again, still have a lot of loading on to do, but fingers crossed, I'm getting there now ... I'm haemorrhaging again so have to take it easy, I've got to pick up my prescription from the Chemist later on ... So, in the meantime I'm having toast, coffee and cuddles with my Eddie baby dog and thought, why not finish my bucket list? My friend for many years, Lorraine, said I made a good start, I haven't seen Lorraine since I was a teenager, but we got back in contact recently thanks to a very dear friend of my late husband finding me on Facebook ... It's lovely being back in touch after so many years ... One of the very best things about Facebook is when you are back in touch with old friends. 

So, my bucket list began with this:-

1) Swim with non captive dolphins

2) Watch the sunrise on a beach in the summer

3) Visit my friends scattered across the globe from Wales to New Zealand

4) Make peace with those who hurt me, doesn't mean I have to see them, but for me, just to allow myself to let them and what they did go, I think I have done that but just in case I've missed anyone out ;)

5) Own some Keith Garvey art for my home, some door skins and hopefully some art work on my walls too 

6) Have my kids name's tattooed on my wrists, yes I'm having this done in a few weeks by Michael Rose (look him up, he's amazing!) I picked a beautiful design in purple, sky blue and black so I'm very much looking forward to this as I've been promising for years to have this done and now I'm just going for it.

7) Eat cake ... Come on, there's always room for cake :)

8) Find better methods of pain management ... This is something I think, can help if you can somehow train your mind to believe it's not there or isn't as awful? Yeah I mean, strong pain killers do the trick for now, but what am I going to do when I've pretty much worked my way through the codeine bunch and am left with not much choice? The thought of opiods isn't appealing at all ... I need to do something before I get that far and in all reality, I know the sarcoidosis is just going to continue to deteriorate me within ... My nodes are so enlarged now they squeeze my throat, they trap nerves and press on organs causing more pain .... My bones and joints are deteriorating, my organs aren't functioning as well as they should, my eyesight is deteriorating through middle age and sarcoidosis, I don't have much time left in terms of quality of life .... I need to make the most of now as tomorrow, I just don't know if it'll be possible the way things are going

9) This is something I want to see - The truth coming out, enough said

10) Find a way so my Eddie baby dog will be young and live forever with me, this is odd to some but makes perfect sense to me, when I die, I want my Eddie to rest with me ... He will be on sacred ground, I want his name with mine and something I wrote for him, so everyone knows the joy he brought me in life, he came along when I needed him and he's my very best friend.  

There, all done :) ... Have a wonderful Friday and thank you for calling by xoxoxo

Holidays At Last!! 👙

FINALLY!!!! I can kick back and have a much needed rest .... It's been forever since I last blogged so I'm thrilled about having the time and energy to blog again ... I have literally been exhausted, had very little to no time and when I have had any spare time, I've spent it asleep ... Seriously ... I have been working, walking my baby dog and sleeping ... Oh and housework too, I deep cleaned in my kitchen yesterday but it's hard to work in this heat ... For some reason this part of England has been having ridiculously high temperatures which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the awful humidity that accompanies these soaring temperatures ... Everyone's complaining and I must admit, while I love the summer, I dislike working in such humidity especially in a kitchen .... We had our uniforms changed recently too and the new one's are much heavier, which will be great in the winter as they'll be warmer, but in the summer they are a pain and too thick to be comfortable in ... 

Online life has been quieter stalker wise LOL ... Well it was for a while and I noticed it has picked up again on Facebook and on GG ... Oh well, whatever tickles your pickle I guess!

I am working on a new tag at last too!! I do take forever to make them, I'm not very quick with them as I like to faff about and have them "just so" ... I've been downloading some latest releases from the amazing and phenomenal Keith Garvey ... You can find his website HERE or you can click the tab in the bar at the top of my blog page ... This guy is an absolute genius ... His art is just beautiful ... Also been hunting around for some scrap kits to add to my collection and I'm looking to build my own website so I can sell my own scrap kits and also so my friend, Lorraine, can sell her beautiful art too online ... I'm hoping to have it all sussed and up and running as soon as possible ... 

Sarcoidosis wise, well it is what it is ... I'm no better or worse at the moment ... I just am ... I'm so tired of one hospital appointment after the other, it's all too much so I'm taking a break from the lunacy of attending appointment after appointment after appointment ... I need a break and I will leave the care to my doctor for now ... I can't stand all the hospital appointments one after the other kind of thing ... It's exhausting in the end ... There's times I get tired of speaking about it too, kind of weird as I'm all for awareness ... Think it might be a little bit feeling disheartened as I hear so much of death from this disease that I'm sort of tired of the whole thing ... I know parts of me are crapping out ... I'm not altogether sure right now that I care .... What will be will be ... It's very difficult to try and live with this illness, as I'm sure it is to live with any misunderstood and/or chronic illness ... There's times I just detach myself from it all and maybe it's a way of coping within that moment, but I just want to feel like there's more to life than sickness and death .... I try and do my best as do we all ... I just need to distract and detach ... I'm tired of sarcoidosis, I'm tired of death through sarcoidosis, I'm tired of lives destroyed through sarcoidosis ... If only people knew more about the disease and would understand that people who have and deal with sarcoidosis daily are incredible ... They don't get recognition for how much harder they work to try and live a sort of normal life, they are just assumed to be a little under the weather, when in reality all of us with this illness are really poorly ... We just choose not to give up! 

Have a lovely Sunday all of you and thank you for calling by!

You Ever Have One Of Those Weeks? LOL

I've not blogged at all this past week as it was such a busy one, everywhere I turned there was someone wanting to give me shit LOL ... It's fine though, the only place I got a respite from it was work ... I sign into Facebook of an evening and when I can pop on during the day and it never fails to deliver it's fair share of shit LOL ... It's not Facebook, it's some of the people I've connected with unfortunately ... One of them is mental and mad as a Hatter and will not stop lying and trolling my profile even though she's blocked ... She just uses a fake profile to spy on me, then have a meltdown at what I've posted ... Stupid woman has nothing better to do with her life clearly LOL ... Thing is, she lied to so many of us, faked her identity, pretended she was being bullied and victimized and even faked the death of both her parents ... Yep ... Fucking nutcase ... She wants to be friends one minute, then when you politely and very wisely refuse she reverts quickly back into the bitter and nasty creature she truly is and has a post maniacal meltdown!! It's laughable hence all the LOL's 

Shit number 2 - Oh good grief, really!! Someone I decided I didn't want to be with after the unacceptable way they treated me decided to launch into a sly attack on me in a group we are both members of on Facebook ... I posted quite a lot about the E.U Referendum so their sly arsed and very bitchy response was to state some shit about migraines then how they don't post political crap and are on Facebook for fun and friends LOL ... Really? In a sarcoidosis group? ... TWAT!! ... If you really wanted to have a bitch at me, then you could have done so on your page or even more mature would be to speak TO ME!! - BLOCKED!!

My message to you fuckers is this ... GROW THE FUCK UP! ... This isn't some kindergarten and I'm not Arnold Schwarzenegger .... Have the maturity and decency to see what you have done, yeah I'm not perfect and neither are you! But I'm pretty open with life and I have been honest with you both ... Now you can seriously fuck off!!  Fuck you both and feel free to take the horse you rode in on with you!

On a happier note, thank you to someone very dear and who means more to me than they know for the beautiful flowers and for the cards .... I can't remember the last time someone has been so demonstratively kind to me, you really brightened up my week which was very difficult on the whole ... I will make sure you read this at some point :) 

Also I managed to catch up with someone I truly adore ... We spent hours chatting and it was wonderful ... I sort of felt like no time had passed at all ... It was like it was the next day kind of thing ... :) 

Also and while I'm on the subject of connecting with people ... I had a massive rethink as I connected with some old friends over the past few weeks or so .... It's horrible holding grudges ... No one in their right mind wants to harbour ill feelings, I certainly don't ... I appreciate there's only so far we can go to forgive someone, I'm just so glad to have my friends back ... So yeah, I blocked 2 for ill treatment of me from one and the complete lunacy from another, that right now isn't something I can forgive .... But so many years have passed, my dear friend and sis took so much shit online years ago and she never deserved any of it ... I feel so bad about all of it ... My other friend is going through stuff, personal so I'm not repeating ... But seeing her after all this time, it helps you understand that life is so short and so precious ... Why can't we all just be nice to each other and get along? ... Too much time goes by wasted and it's sad ... 

Hence my point ... You people who bitch and dig and make sly comments and lie .... You're pathetic ... You obviously have something to hide so you lash out and make it someone else's fault for what happened .... Just remember that life is short, you want to go through it hurting others then don't expect a huge send off at your funeral ... Don't expect anyone to take your shit ... Don't expect your idiocy to get you anywhere and do not treat others the way you treated me ... That's my parting gift to you shit heads .... I have a life to live and I sure as hell am not going to allow you or anyone else the pleasure of spoiling it with poisonous bullshit .... I stood up to you, you didn't like it ... Boohoo waa waa fuck off!

New Tag - Happy 4th July! 🇺🇸

Ok, so my Saturday was ok I guess in the end ... I'm still rather low in mood but I managed to clean everywhere I wanted and to also get some relaxation time too ... While having a rest I made a new tag, I'd lost my MoJo these past few weeks and although was very drawn to my latest purchases, just felt too exhausted to put anything together ... I know I wouldn't have made it through my Saturday even half as well without the support of a very dear friend ... Sometimes it's very hard to hear that no matter how hard you try, how much you give, how much you do despite ill health, it's never good enough ... My only defense is that I try my best ... I know it's not good enough but I do try ... Anyhow ... Enough of that ... Back to the tag I made, I used the absolutely outstanding art work of Keith Garvey ... You will find the link to his website in the bar at the top of the page ... If not and if you don't feel like scrolling up then simply click HERE!! .... I hope you're all enjoying your weekend and to my American friends who take the time to call by, I wish you all a very Happy 4th July ... Sending you lots of love and best wishes ... I'm off to bed as it's very late here, hugs and loves to you all, thank you to everyone who calls by and who takes the time to read my blog entries, I do appreciate that so much ... Goodnight and sweet dreams xoxoxoxoxoxoxo