Saturday Night Update 💟

So..... I'm sat here in an almost dark room, it's very peaceful, my eldest son is out partying and my youngest is away for a week with a friend ... The only sounds are my little Eddie dog snoring beside me and the heating clicking on and off .... It's rather cold outside, quite damp actually and my candles are shedding a dancing glimmer of orange and yellow lights onto the wall in front of me ... My computer desk/area is actually under my stairs LOL, just call me Harry Potter as I spend most of my free down time here :) ... I've spent over a week now in possibly the worse flare up I can remember .... The pain has been unbearable, I feel like I have been punched all over, the emotional draining of just everything piling on top of me has seen me decline also .... Hence what I am about to say...........

Whether you make a conscious decision to try and understand the illnesses I have, or not, please step back, take a few moments and think about what you say to not only me, but to anyone with chronic illness and pain.  No I don't mean to go on about it, yes I know this will pass but here are some of the things I have actually had said to me while being poorly........

1) What happened to the really cool person you used to be?

2) Once again you couldn't do something and get it right for once

3) I don't care if you have sarcoidosis, it's not that bad

4) You're fucking useless

5) It's all your fault

6) You really need to get a better job

7) You make no effort

8) You shouldn't be taking those pills, the doctor is wrong

9) You should go to the gym

10) No one cares

Just  some of the things said to me recently .... Nice huh?  Look, I appreciate that not everyone will understand and I totally and completely understand how hard it must be for anyone healthy to understand someone like myself .... However, tearing a person to pieces while they're down is not helpful, it's counter productive and will not help them ultimately .... Now, I'm a tough fucker, but yeah, some of that is pretty nasty .... I know it's not true, however, it is clear that it is someone else's truth and their reality .... I've had some pretty nasty things said to me lately, at a time when I could do with some kindness from people who I thought were friends but I'm not so sure any more .... With things the way they are with my mum, my illness being a bit too comfortable and pulling me down, it would have been a lot nicer and more helpful if certain things had not been said to me, even if the person feels completely justified in their opinion of me ... It's not very nice for me being on the receiving end and I wonder if you would feel the same way I do, if the tables were turned and you were on the receiving end?

So ..... Have a think ..... Does it really need to be said? Do you want to tear that person down even more than they already are?  Would you like it?

Now .... On a far more positive note, here are some of the latest tags I've made ... I hope you enjoy them and thank you for calling by! Love always, Gina xoxoxoxoxoxo

Just A Quick Blog Before I Lay In Bed All Night Unable To Sleep Again Because Of Pain! 🤕

Just a very quick update, been transfixed to Jacob Israel's videos this evening and the time just flew by, I also found the original video I watched on YouTube some years ago now ... Very chilling stuff, which I thought I would post here .... 

I also feel compelled to add Jacob Israel's latest video to my blog too, yes I'm totally off the topic of sarcoidosis, but this is an interest of mine and I firmly believe we need to be opening our eyes, minds and hearts to unite as something is heading our way! This has been an interest of mine ever since I can remember, even as a child I believed there was always more ... So here it is .... His uploads are amazing and he is an awesome guy!

Both are worth watching ... I'm going to now try and sleep, I probably won't be able to as I still feel like a punchbag ... Really hoping the upped dose of Lyrica kicks in soon! 

Goodnight and take care all of you, thank you for calling by ... I do try to make this about more than sarcoidosis, I want to share in my methods of distraction from pain, my hobbies and interests and to hopefully portray that there's more to life and to you than just an illness, despite the battles we all face daily.

My love to you all always, Gina xoxoxoxoxoxo

Mid Week Update..... 🤕

Yes, I'm still sick unfortunately .... I've been in so much pain since the weekend, no letting up either, however after a mix up with the doctor, I think my meds are back in order ... Was told Monday I'd be having my Lyrica increased and as my prescriptions are sent electronically to the Chemist of my choice, I arrived there to find no Lyrica :( .... It is sorted now, my Co Codamol isn't helping as effectively as it once used to ... The pain is constant, my head gets no relief at all and if you ask me where it hurts, it's easier and less time consuming to say where it doesn't hurt ... Even my clothes hurt me, it's daft .... I'm sorry for complaining, I know I could be miles worse off ... I appreciate everything I have and feel so lucky, just hoping for some relief and soon now the Lyrica mix up is sorted ... I have literally done nothing ... Only the bare minimum and I'm still in pain ... I've been trying to detract my mind by making tags, listening to an Audiobook on the app (Harry Potter And The Philosophers Stone - Read by Stephen Fry) It has helped ... I think anyone in chronic pain needs support, understanding and a distraction or hobby you can immerse yourself in completely ... It does help.  My distractions are making tags on Photoshop, gentle walks with my dog if I can manage it, Audiobooks, listening to relaxing music can help, something peaceful and gentle helps, I burn my Yankee candles, they help a lot too.  

I'm sat here hurting, it hurts to type ... I think it must be very difficult for a healthy, pain free person to understand .. I get that completely, it must be as you just cannot imagine the feeling like you've been literally punched everywhere and you cramp and stiffen up, the constant migraine, the desperate need for peace and quiet and no human contact (yes it does make you feel that way) the longing to be pain free so much ... Ok .. I will stop there as I prefer to focus on more positive events......

On a positive note, my sons are doing well, both make me so proud .... My eldest had his 21st recently, just can't believe where the time has gone ... My dog just makes me so happy too, he's my baby .... I love cuddling him at night, when I'm in pain I just snuggle into him, watch him sleep, kiss his ears and just watch the moonlight dancing and glimmering into my bedroom .. That in itself can be therapeutic ... Just need sleep LOL ... I'm exhausted right now ... I also love art ... Sometimes just immersing myself in art helps a lot too ... 

Ok, so here's my latest tag creations ... I'm enjoying making them, I am just so unsure on how I wish to animate them, so for now, they remain still LOL ... Enjoy them but please don't copy them or claim them as something you created, that's naughty and please don't remove any part inclusive of copyright, that's illegal so I did warn you :) However, please enjoy them, I like to think that people visiting like them .. I put a lot of time into making them and enjoy that time very much.

I hope you're all having the best week .... Thank you for calling by, love and hugs xoxoxoxoxo

About Time I Updated..... 😋

So............ Where have I been? ... Nowhere, just so busy and stressed out ... I'm ok but I'm just very tired, I split my head open a short time ago, it's fine though, nothing a little glue and some tenderness couldn't cure ... I also went for my hip X-Ray and the results should've been back by now and aren't so I need to phone my doctor Monday and they said they'll chase up the hospital ... I've been making graphics, made quite a few actually, but non animated ... Been so busy with my kids, dog and housework privately it's just been mental to be honest ... I don't feel well at all ... I'm always in pain somewhere and I'm rather stressed out with work right now too, not because it's the people I'm around but more so a few changes brought in which just cause all of us stress ... I'm not sure right now about these changes, I think we will adapt in time ... It's just trying to get used to it all ... My mum's health has also declined very much ... I'm expecting a phone call anytime telling me to get there as she's not expected to live ... It's very difficult watching the one person I do have left leaving me piece by piece ... When everyone else walked out she was the only one who stayed ... I've sailed many stormy seas and felt very alone at times at the helm but she's always been there to make sure I don't go overboard and drown ... No one else either knew or gave a shit ... I'm also learning who my true friends are once more and that's all I'm saying here about it ... The less time I devote to that, the better.

Sarcoidosis wise, I feel terrible ... This morning I woke with every part of me hurting like a bitch ... My head is killing me, my bones hurt so bad today ... My eyes are sore and a bit blurry ... I think I'm in a flare up also as my lymph nodes are the size of golf balls lol ... They hurt so much as well ... I think once I get moving I might hopefully feel a little bit better ... My faithful and very beautiful little dog, Eddie, is sat beside me though and filling my heart and soul with such joy ... Every time I look at him, I fall in love so much more .... He is the love of my life and a main reason I continue to breathe ... With all this said, I do hope you are all doing great ... I appreciate you calling in and reading up on me ... It's nice that you care, should you do so ... Also, my youngest son mentioned The Mandela Effect to me ... Well, it just blew my mind when I started to research .... I also found an incredible YouTube channel run by a terrific guy named Jacob Israel ... His videos are definitely worth watching ... You can find him HERE so go check him out ... He is incredible!!!! 

So ... Would you like to see some of my latest non animated tags? If so, then please scroll down .... I don't do tutorials, not because I don't want to, I just do stuff differently and mostly in Photoshop ... I can try and explain, should you have questions but please bear with me as to the answers as sometimes I get all muddly fudded up LOL ... But I will so try my best to help you ... Have a wonderful weekend ... Lots of love to you all, always XOXOXOXOXO  💋 💋 💋 💋 💋

Ok ... So there you have it! I'm sorry if I've duplicated any uploads, I checked and I don't think I have but if I have then I'm sorry ... Also I feel compelled to mention this, it's not a pressing issue but I am wondering about anyone else out there who has had the same experience I have with someone going by the name of Ricky Bloodymoon? ... It's been mentioned to me by several people whose identities will remain private that she copies others ... I had this experience with her last year, she was dealt with appropriately after it was brought to my attention she had been copying me for several months ... She was very oddly behaved towards me, she unfriended me on Facebook and the other website, however, she didn't leave it there, she copied my stuff and foul mouthed me, lied and generally caused trouble ... If she has done or is doing this to you, my advice is don't stand for it ... Yes you'll be on the receiving end of her shit, I was for ages afterwards as she created fake accounts to stir up shit, but in the end you shouldn't have to stand for that crap .... I tried to be pleasant over it, she was just plain nasty ... You can only do and give so much before you just leave someone like that to it ... Just don't stand for it ... You shouldn't have to tolerate copying and plagiarism from anyone and if you know and can prove more than 100% this is happening to you, take action ... Be careful and be safe ... 💋 💋 💋 💋 💋

Weekly Update + New Non Animated Tags 😀

Good morning ... It's Saturday morning here and I'm waiting for the painkillers to kick in before I start mass cleaning day :) ... Saturday is always cleaning day here ... I don't mind as I don't really socialize much away from work and family and close knit friends, of which there are very few ... I also have an update in terms of my health ... I found a lump in my lower groin, on my pelvic bone, it's tender but I'm not worried about it other than it does cause pain ... I have received an appointment for a hysteroscopy on the 3rd November at Hertford County Hospital so I will be attending as I've come to the end of my tether with my lady problems ... I am hoping this procedure will stop them entirely .... I also have a hip X-Ray appointment next week and I can just go along whenever I can, it's like a walk in clinic where you hand the form in and just have the X-Ray done ... Pretty good method actually as you're not tied to any specific time ... It's like a blood test, you just go along when you can ... I have a feeling they might tell me it's the sarcoidosis causing this problem ... The pain first started in the lymph node area of my groin but now has spread ... I don't like to think on it too much as whatever it is I'm sure will be sorted out ... It's affecting my walking quite a bit now, I walk with a limp most of the time, my right leg is pained throughout because of this, I can never get comfortable either, I'm literally always in pain in my right side and leg now ... I'm on stronger painkillers and now taking ferrous sulphate for the anaemia ... 

Work wise, well, it has been quite a week ... My lovely boss has attended training to use our new Cypads, we are all new to this and it's very interesting learning how to use it, but it's also a brain strain too as we are all so new to it .. Training has been given and my boss has taken in a lot of information and not giving herself enough credit for how well she's learned so much of it in such a short space of time so all credit to her ... I've not taken too many clangs either this week but I do get annoyed when that happens or when the other lady in the kitchen I work with gestures to me like I'm a dog ... I think I might have to have a polite word about it ... Try and explain what it's like on the receiving end of such a gesture, without being unkind or rude .. Just need to pick my words carefully as I don't want to upset anyone .. I really do love my job and working there ... I feel so blessed in many ways as I know a lot of people dislike their jobs for one reason or another, I am also so lucky to be able to make it to work, I do fight this disease every day ..All sarcoidosis warriors do, but some are so poorly with it, they simply are unable to do the things they once could and it's so sad ... I count my blessing every single day and yes, sometimes I do forget how lucky I actually am ... My mindset alters at times and it's not a positive thing so I try and do stuff to keep me in a good place mentally ...

Ok speaking of being in a good place mentally, I have been a busy bee making some non animated tags for Facebook ... I've left them non animated as now, for some reason, when I post an animated tag to Facebook the colours depreciate so much, it just looks so awful and detracts from the real beauty of the creation  .... I will post them below now and also wish you all a very peaceful and positive, wonderful weekend ... All my love to you all and thank you for calling by and reading my blog!

Very Busy Week With Lots Of Ouch And Ooooh 😂

Oh my, what a week!! I kept saying all week, I'll blog today if I get time, yep ... I didn't get time LOL ... It's been completely mental ... Monday was a tough day for personal reasons, however I definitely believe and feel a positive outcome was achieved ... I am glad I have closure on a particular issue that has been plaguing my family for a while ... It's over and behind us thankfully and we can now move on .... Tuesday saw me taking a clonk in the kitchen I work in ... I won't go into the matter too much on here, suffice to say I do wish someone wasn't in such a hurry all the time as when they are, their actions result in injury, usually mine! I banged my head on the dishwasher, I'm talking a proper industrial dishwasher which is huge with a large metal handle ... I wasn't impressed ... I had to quickly move out the way to avoid a collision with this staff member and in doing so it resulted in me smacking my head ... It is not the way to behave at work .. It's not the first time I've taken an injury because of this person, it shouldn't happen ... Period! 

Now I've had my grumble let's move on to Wednesday which was B12 injection day ... I hate to be negative here, I am convinced the B12 does help but I never feel the benefit like that energy boost many speak about ... Nope, doesn't happen for me .. My last B12 count even with regular 3 monthly injections was only considered to be mid range and anyone who knows anything at all about B12 will know the serum test shows inactive B12 as well which is useless ... My actual B12 level therefore is much lower and I feel like I am teetering on the borderline of deficient once more ... Keeping in mind I have pernicious anaemia, I am terrified of getting sick like I was before I was eventually diagnosed ... Thursday I went to visit mum ... She's not improving at all ... It's so sad seeing her like this ... I really do need my mum ... I've never needed anyone like I need her ... I don't want to lose the one person who I am so close to even if I don't see her as much as I would like to ... She has no clue how poorly I am as I know she would worry and hiding it from her is very hard as she notices everything ... I can't walk properly any more as my right hip is now in so much pain, even with 3, 15/500 Co Codamol which I'm sure isn't wise to take so I do NOT advocate that or encourage anyone to do that!! DON'T! My blood test results are also abnormal ... I was expecting that though .... Friday is our busiest day at work ... It flew by ... Plus the weather had cooled down by then thankfully ... It has been a mostly humid week here, very hot temperatures for the time of year and way too hot to be working in a kitchen! ... But we got through it like we always do ... My favourite times in the week are definitely walking my little dog ... He and I must walk miles each week ... I find it so peaceful and calming and spending time with my little sweetheart is so fulfilling ... He really is the light of my life .. I'm sure I've mentioned that before, but he totally is LOL ... I absolutely adore him.

Tag wise I've been making some non animated ones for a change ... I haven't been on my Glitter Graphics account in a while so I would love to be able to take some time out to spend on there again soon ... I do find tag making so relaxing, I get lost in time pretty much as it flies by when I'm buried in Photoshop ... I still make animated ones, just haven't felt like doing so of late ... 

Anyway I will leave you with a few of my latest ones below and wish you a fantastic week ahead ... I do hope all is good with you, things here are ticking along ok at the moment, I hope they continue to do so as well ... I don't have much to report sarcoidosis wise, other than it's still there LOL ... I do wonder if my lungs are becoming more affected as I have noticed that very occasionally, when I laugh or I'm out of breath I feel crackles in my lungs ... But only very occasionally ... I just wish I knew what exactly is causing such awful pain in my right side, it's definitely progressively getting worse ... Anyway, here's a few of my latest tags ... Have a great week and thank you for calling by!

Got Lots Going On

Just a very quick update to first off, show off a new header I made :) ... Also to say I'm now back at work and life has become extremely busy once more ... I'm having more health issues, this time, very quickly and in a nutshell, I have to have an urgent referral to a Haematologist as my doctor suspects I might have a possible blood disorder ... It would explain some symptoms I've been having for a while but let's just wait and see on that score ... I will have my blood test results back in the week so hopefully I will know a bit more then either way ... I'm happy to be back at work, can't say as I relish the early mornings especially with being in this pain but it's one of them things ... I want to work for as long as I can ... I'm also very worried about my mum, she's not improving and it is such a worry ... I know she's 83 but I guess I look upon her as the invincible one ... I forget how vulnerable she is sometimes as she's always been there for me, held me up especially when Dave died .... Anyway I'm not going too much in depth now as it is late on Sunday night here and I have to be up bright and early ... I will hopefully have time to catch up later on in the week ... In the meantime thank you for calling by, please take good care of yourselves and have a wonderful start to your week ... Lots of love and hugs!