Holidays At Last!! 👙

FINALLY!!!! I can kick back and have a much needed rest .... It's been forever since I last blogged so I'm thrilled about having the time and energy to blog again ... I have literally been exhausted, had very little to no time and when I have had any spare time, I've spent it asleep ... Seriously ... I have been working, walking my baby dog and sleeping ... Oh and housework too, I deep cleaned in my kitchen yesterday but it's hard to work in this heat ... For some reason this part of England has been having ridiculously high temperatures which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the awful humidity that accompanies these soaring temperatures ... Everyone's complaining and I must admit, while I love the summer, I dislike working in such humidity especially in a kitchen .... We had our uniforms changed recently too and the new one's are much heavier, which will be great in the winter as they'll be warmer, but in the summer they are a pain and too thick to be comfortable in ... 

Online life has been quieter stalker wise LOL ... Well it was for a while and I noticed it has picked up again on Facebook and on GG ... Oh well, whatever tickles your pickle I guess!

I am working on a new tag at last too!! I do take forever to make them, I'm not very quick with them as I like to faff about and have them "just so" ... I've been downloading some latest releases from the amazing and phenomenal Keith Garvey ... You can find his website HERE or you can click the tab in the bar at the top of my blog page ... This guy is an absolute genius ... His art is just beautiful ... Also been hunting around for some scrap kits to add to my collection and I'm looking to build my own website so I can sell my own scrap kits and also so my friend, Lorraine, can sell her beautiful art too online ... I'm hoping to have it all sussed and up and running as soon as possible ... 

Sarcoidosis wise, well it is what it is ... I'm no better or worse at the moment ... I just am ... I'm so tired of one hospital appointment after the other, it's all too much so I'm taking a break from the lunacy of attending appointment after appointment after appointment ... I need a break and I will leave the care to my doctor for now ... I can't stand all the hospital appointments one after the other kind of thing ... It's exhausting in the end ... There's times I get tired of speaking about it too, kind of weird as I'm all for awareness ... Think it might be a little bit feeling disheartened as I hear so much of death from this disease that I'm sort of tired of the whole thing ... I know parts of me are crapping out ... I'm not altogether sure right now that I care .... What will be will be ... It's very difficult to try and live with this illness, as I'm sure it is to live with any misunderstood and/or chronic illness ... There's times I just detach myself from it all and maybe it's a way of coping within that moment, but I just want to feel like there's more to life than sickness and death .... I try and do my best as do we all ... I just need to distract and detach ... I'm tired of sarcoidosis, I'm tired of death through sarcoidosis, I'm tired of lives destroyed through sarcoidosis ... If only people knew more about the disease and would understand that people who have and deal with sarcoidosis daily are incredible ... They don't get recognition for how much harder they work to try and live a sort of normal life, they are just assumed to be a little under the weather, when in reality all of us with this illness are really poorly ... We just choose not to give up! 

Have a lovely Sunday all of you and thank you for calling by!

You Ever Have One Of Those Weeks? LOL

I've not blogged at all this past week as it was such a busy one, everywhere I turned there was someone wanting to give me shit LOL ... It's fine though, the only place I got a respite from it was work ... I sign into Facebook of an evening and when I can pop on during the day and it never fails to deliver it's fair share of shit LOL ... It's not Facebook, it's some of the people I've connected with unfortunately ... One of them is mental and mad as a Hatter and will not stop lying and trolling my profile even though she's blocked ... She just uses a fake profile to spy on me, then have a meltdown at what I've posted ... Stupid woman has nothing better to do with her life clearly LOL ... Thing is, she lied to so many of us, faked her identity, pretended she was being bullied and victimized and even faked the death of both her parents ... Yep ... Fucking nutcase ... She wants to be friends one minute, then when you politely and very wisely refuse she reverts quickly back into the bitter and nasty creature she truly is and has a post maniacal meltdown!! It's laughable hence all the LOL's 

Shit number 2 - Oh good grief, really!! Someone I decided I didn't want to be with after the unacceptable way they treated me decided to launch into a sly attack on me in a group we are both members of on Facebook ... I posted quite a lot about the E.U Referendum so their sly arsed and very bitchy response was to state some shit about migraines then how they don't post political crap and are on Facebook for fun and friends LOL ... Really? In a sarcoidosis group? ... TWAT!! ... If you really wanted to have a bitch at me, then you could have done so on your page or even more mature would be to speak TO ME!! - BLOCKED!!

My message to you fuckers is this ... GROW THE FUCK UP! ... This isn't some kindergarten and I'm not Arnold Schwarzenegger .... Have the maturity and decency to see what you have done, yeah I'm not perfect and neither are you! But I'm pretty open with life and I have been honest with you both ... Now you can seriously fuck off!!  Fuck you both and feel free to take the horse you rode in on with you!

On a happier note, thank you to someone very dear and who means more to me than they know for the beautiful flowers and for the cards .... I can't remember the last time someone has been so demonstratively kind to me, you really brightened up my week which was very difficult on the whole ... I will make sure you read this at some point :) 

Also I managed to catch up with someone I truly adore ... We spent hours chatting and it was wonderful ... I sort of felt like no time had passed at all ... It was like it was the next day kind of thing ... :) 

Also and while I'm on the subject of connecting with people ... I had a massive rethink as I connected with some old friends over the past few weeks or so .... It's horrible holding grudges ... No one in their right mind wants to harbour ill feelings, I certainly don't ... I appreciate there's only so far we can go to forgive someone, I'm just so glad to have my friends back ... So yeah, I blocked 2 for ill treatment of me from one and the complete lunacy from another, that right now isn't something I can forgive .... But so many years have passed, my dear friend and sis took so much shit online years ago and she never deserved any of it ... I feel so bad about all of it ... My other friend is going through stuff, personal so I'm not repeating ... But seeing her after all this time, it helps you understand that life is so short and so precious ... Why can't we all just be nice to each other and get along? ... Too much time goes by wasted and it's sad ... 

Hence my point ... You people who bitch and dig and make sly comments and lie .... You're pathetic ... You obviously have something to hide so you lash out and make it someone else's fault for what happened .... Just remember that life is short, you want to go through it hurting others then don't expect a huge send off at your funeral ... Don't expect anyone to take your shit ... Don't expect your idiocy to get you anywhere and do not treat others the way you treated me ... That's my parting gift to you shit heads .... I have a life to live and I sure as hell am not going to allow you or anyone else the pleasure of spoiling it with poisonous bullshit .... I stood up to you, you didn't like it ... Boohoo waa waa fuck off!

New Tag - Happy 4th July! 🇺🇸

Ok, so my Saturday was ok I guess in the end ... I'm still rather low in mood but I managed to clean everywhere I wanted and to also get some relaxation time too ... While having a rest I made a new tag, I'd lost my MoJo these past few weeks and although was very drawn to my latest purchases, just felt too exhausted to put anything together ... I know I wouldn't have made it through my Saturday even half as well without the support of a very dear friend ... Sometimes it's very hard to hear that no matter how hard you try, how much you give, how much you do despite ill health, it's never good enough ... My only defense is that I try my best ... I know it's not good enough but I do try ... Anyhow ... Enough of that ... Back to the tag I made, I used the absolutely outstanding art work of Keith Garvey ... You will find the link to his website in the bar at the top of the page ... If not and if you don't feel like scrolling up then simply click HERE!! .... I hope you're all enjoying your weekend and to my American friends who take the time to call by, I wish you all a very Happy 4th July ... Sending you lots of love and best wishes ... I'm off to bed as it's very late here, hugs and loves to you all, thank you to everyone who calls by and who takes the time to read my blog entries, I do appreciate that so much ... Goodnight and sweet dreams xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Saturday So Far..........

I woke in pain and I'm sorry for being so graphic, I've been bleeding for about 3 weeks now and I didn't have the common sense to realize that it could be playing it's part as to why I am so physically and mentally whomped out too ... I think I'm so used to it, I've just plodded along and accepted it but I know it's not right ... I also know it's not a cervical cancerous cause which is a relief to be honest ... However, it is draining me and I do need some help ... Guess it's a trip to the doctor next week then .... 

My mood is low at this moment, I have to clean the house and I will do it, I just feel so wiped out all the time ... I'll blog more a bit later, this one is purely so I can just let it out in the moment kind of thing ... I feel very sad at the moment for lots of reasons, human beings are so cruel as a whole .... They will be the reason why this planet is destroyed ... It's in their nature to just destroy, no matter how good they have it, it's never enough ... No matter how good a person may be and how hard they try, it'll never be enough for ungrateful human beings who have it all and don't appreciate it .... What exactly do I mean by having it all?  Having it all is having good health, being loved, stability in the home, enough food, warmth and everything you need ... It might not be everything you want, but at least you have what you need ... Some people have none of these things ...... I'll leave that with you.

Bye for now xoxoxo

Long Week ⁉

OMG what a week so far and no, not in a bad way for the most part!! It has been nothing short of totally mental :) ... I've never known me to have as little free time as I've had this week .... But it's not all bad, although today I have felt very sad since I visited mum in hospital ... My sweet little mummy looked so frail and poorly earlier .... Anyone who knows my mum will know how strong, amazing and plucky she is, she's got the courage of a pride of lions and a real old school and very comical personality as well ... She's certainly a character and I love her with every part of my soul ... Seeing her today was heartbreaking ... She's still my plucky little mummy but she's so weak now ... Physically she's so debilitated and it's absolutely beyond heartbreaking painful to see her like it ... It's cruel .... For one so strong, so determined and so able bodied and who had 3 jobs at one stage, to see her now ... It makes me wonder if there's any justice at all sometimes ... Her little arms are bruised where the hospital staff have tried doing blood tests and can't find her veins .... Her hair, once so luscious and vibrant red, now uncared for, through no fault of her own either ... Every time I see her, it's like a small piece of her went missing each time .... I'm watching my mum disappear before me and it hurts so bad ... She's my one true and best friend next to Eddie baby dog ... I just know if there's a crisis, I can go to her, I can go to her when everything else has turned to total shit and know that someone still loves me enough to know it's not my fault all the time and who will pick me up when I fall ... And I've done a lot of falling in my life and I still have the scars.

Pain wise, for some bizarre reason known only to the universe, I'm in some fucking rotten God awful pain .... Not even my morning bath eases it coupled with strong Co Codamol ... I'm at a loose end as to what to do in terms of pain management ... I try the whole package I'm aware of as in, hot bath, painkillers, distraction and mind diversion but on occasions like this it still doesn't seem to be enough ... My nodes are so swollen everywhere, the one's around my throat actually feel like they're placing pressure so much, I'm struggling to swallow just a fraction and it notices with my breathing too ... I was up and down the stairs this evening 4 times, I couldn't make it the 3rd and 4th time, the body pain was nuclear and my lungs completely crapped on me .... I felt like I was going to faint as I was gasping for air so much .... No drama intended there ... Just saying it how it was ... My right lung hurts, my lower back feels like I've been kicked there, my left ankle yells at me all the time, my elbows, arms, legs, right leg especially where the nerve damage is, rotten headache ... Just cannot seem to shake the bastard pain off at all .... 

Took my youngest to the dentist earlier today, they were running behind and the lady at reception, with a huge smile on her face, explained they were running behind and their 3:15 was still waiting and we were due in at 3:40 .... My son is fine about it ... My face needed deliverance, how on earth can someone smile all the way through giving you such news?! LOL ... My son pulled his phone out and was playing a game on it, me? ... I surfed eBay and fell asleep 3 times .... That's the thing with me ... Put old Mama Sarcoid here in a waiting room and I am guaranteed to fall asleep if I'm kept waiting for longer than 10 minutes!! Happens every time :) 

Speaking of sleep, I think it's about time I head off to bed ... I have a stack of catching up to do with friends on my Facebook and GG accounts ... Been missing so much of late ... I really hope to settle down at some point tomorrow and just relax and catch up with everyone ... Until then, please sleep well and have sweet dreams ... You're all in my thoughts ... Love you lots, always................

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I made this in an app called Lumyer ... It's a VERY cool app LOL 

Goodnight

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

My Weekend

Well, first of all I've no idea where the time went this weekend, it's gone 10pm on Sunday and the time has just flown by ... I've not felt 100% all weekend, plus with this whole outcome of the E.U Referendum, it's been sad watching friendships failing and people arguing and fighting ... I've been in a lot of pain but that's nothing new these days and I get tired of mentioning it as much as I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing it too .... I've also discovered that someone who caused me a lot of trouble last year on GG is still being a very silly little girl ... I hope that she at least shows enough maturity to understand that it's not up to her who her friends wish to befriend ... I'm sure she's jealous actually but only she knows that for sure and to be honest, I really don't give a fuck ... Go play child ... I'm too grown up for you.

I really don't wish her or anyone else harm, as much as quite a lot of people have caused me so much pain and harm in the past, I think life is way too short ... It's not worth my time and emotion to hate anyone ... I want to spend my time enjoying every moment, making memories and giving what I can to make life better and create happiness as much as possible ... 

Ok, I never really did get round to the next chapter did I? .. I can't even remember where I left off now ... Oh well ... Will start from here in the hope I've not already bored you with this one before LOL .... I'm going back to 2003, the year my husband died ... He died on his birthday, February 13th ... We were with him, myself, my brother and Maria, Dave's mum, dad and sister ... His heart just stopped, I watched my dad die and now my husband too ... Both at their bedside, both the 2 most important men in my life ... Just gone .... I had no clue where I was going and how lonely a journey I was about to undertake ... Yes I had my children, ages 7 and 5 ... But no adult to really keep me on the rails so to speak ... Dave looked after everything, the finances, the house in terms of if something needed doing or went wrong, the car if something went wrong, the whole lot in terms of if something needed doing that I couldn't do .... I really was lost, had not such a great friend at that time, someone who I thought was a good friend but turned out not to be ... Oh boy did I end up way off track ... I was used, abused and thrown out pretty much ... That's it in a nutshell and I will go into it more but my point here tonight is, I really can't hold on to any more bad stuff, it's happened, those who committed their shit are forgiven and I'm living my life trying to make happy memories and with decent people .. I don't need bullshit and the split second I even sense it, you're out ... Why did I end up going off the rails? Well, very condensed, my husband died, I got sick, I lost my home, I was too sick to work but with no definite diagnosis, only supposition and the whole combination sent me spiralling downwards ... I had spiteful ex in laws stirring the cauldron with lies, bringing so called friends into the mess so they stirred up shit too with them ... I literally lost everything, I ended up sick in a bed day and night, too weak to move, too weak and exhausted to shower, too exhausted to do anything ... I stopped opening the curtains, stopped answering the phone, stopped answering the door and opening mail ... I just stopped ... Anyone with half a grain of intelligence would have known it wasn't like the real me ... It took me years of suffering, pain, debilitation and isolation before they diagnosed me with pernicious anaemia ... I don't know if I've mentioned this before, if I have then I'm sorry ... I forgot ... What I'm trying to say is, if someone hurts you, forgive them .. You don't have to be friends with them or keep them in your life, but for you, forgive them ... They may not deserve it, but you do ... You deserve life, you deserve to be happy and to live without stress, hurt and pain ... If, like me, you're chronically sick with a potentially fatal illness, then please ... Let it go ... Let them go ... For you ... I've learned from my friend and sister to make memories, spend time with those you love and who want to be with you, make every moment count ... Because you don't know if you can tomorrow, you might wake tomorrow in a flare up ... You might not wake, that's how it is for me ... I don't discuss the seriousness of this disease with anyone offline ... It's serious and life threatening, every week pretty much, I receive news of a death through the illness I have ... It's so sad ... So live for you, live for those you love and do what makes you happy as long as you aren't hurting anyone in the process .... If you do struggle to get out, I do understand that having a quality of life is more difficult for you and if you could get out I know you would ... You're still an incredible warrior .... Know it and don't let anyone take it from you ... Soul stealers are vile .... You do not owe them a second or the sheer satisfaction of being able to make you feel bad .... You're better than that.

Right, well I will leave it there for now ... I have a lot more I would like to blog about ... Maybe in the week if I get time .... Until then I wish you all love, peace, happiness and every blessing ... Please take good care of yourself, may you be as pain free as possible and without trouble and heartache ... Help yourself to the graphic below ... I made it and just added a bit of sparkle .... Take good care of you and don't forget to live ... All my love and thank you for reading 

xoxoxoxoxo

E.U Referendum 🇬🇧

Ok I wasn't going to blog about the Referendum, after all this is supposed to be a Sarcoidosis blog ... Right? However, I've witnessed so much aggression and hate on Facebook throughout the course of the day, I just threw caution to the wind and said fuck it ... Let's all take a chill pill and calm down please .... I've seen insults fly, people unfriending one another, people blamed for placing the X in the box they wanted ... Oh man ... Really? .... We are adults, we are old enough to vote, we have that right in a free country ... We also have the right to disagree, it's not a crime ... But do we really have to be spiteful? ... I don't think it's necessary, despite whether we have that right or not ..... Politics are a fucker ... They make the fur fly and bonds crumble ... The problem is, everyone believes they're right ... Ok, fair enough, but agree to disagree then ... Simple as .... One point I will make ... I will personally, not be accountable for what happens, I will hold my head high and not hang my head in shame as I witnessed someone say and not to me thankfully, no one has the right to belittle and berate another into feeling that they should be totally ashamed of themselves for the way they voted .... That's cruel and I will first of all, not allow anyone the absolute pleasure of making me feel bad, nor will I stoop so low as to want to make someone else feel bad for not voting the same way I chose to vote ... I will say this .... I am proud to be British and I always will be ... I was born to old school parents who worked extremely hard for what they had, my father fought in the 2nd World War, my mum was caught up in the London Blitz .... Both were such proud people, it's something I picked up.... We had a good life as kids because of them, I had no idea I lived in such a beautiful home as a child, I took having so much space for granted because I knew no different ... But we never saw our parents, they were always working ... I worked very hard when I moved out at 18 ... My late husband, who was my boyfriend and I bought a small flat, we had fuck all ... Bricks and mortar and no bed, no cooker, no furniture.... But it was our life adventure and I never ever looked back .... I'm what some may describe as a true grit Brit ... I will never ever back down to any threat of taking what's rightfully mine, I feel I have contributed well over the years to the country's economy before I got poorly, no one has any right to deny that or take it from me ... Same as no one has any right to take it from my kids .... We are a very small Island but a very Great British one ... No matter which way we voted, I would never ever tell someone to hang their head in shame for it .... Of course the pound will drop and of course the stock markets will go all mental at uncertainty, but do you honestly believe in your heart of hearts that we, as a great British nation will crumble over it? ... Oh please .... We've faced so much adversity throughout history and we are still here .... We are small, but we are mighty .... Don't ever underestimate the great British backbone ... It never left, the lion may have been sleeping but I hear it's roar loud and clear now .... No matter which way you voted, be proud ... This is a new chapter, for all of us ... Why not look at it with a more open mind instead of just assuming we are doomed?  

The problem with a democracy is that you cannot please everyone ... Someone will always be disgruntled, but at least they were given the choice, the freedom to choose ... That counts for everything in a world of many troubles and atrocities ... I believe we live in the best country in the world ... Rule Britannia!