Thursday, 30 June 2016

Long Week ⁉

OMG what a week so far and no, not in a bad way for the most part!! It has been nothing short of totally mental :) ... I've never known me to have as little free time as I've had this week .... But it's not all bad, although today I have felt very sad since I visited mum in hospital ... My sweet little mummy looked so frail and poorly earlier .... Anyone who knows my mum will know how strong, amazing and plucky she is, she's got the courage of a pride of lions and a real old school and very comical personality as well ... She's certainly a character and I love her with every part of my soul ... Seeing her today was heartbreaking ... She's still my plucky little mummy but she's so weak now ... Physically she's so debilitated and it's absolutely beyond heartbreaking painful to see her like it ... It's cruel .... For one so strong, so determined and so able bodied and who had 3 jobs at one stage, to see her now ... It makes me wonder if there's any justice at all sometimes ... Her little arms are bruised where the hospital staff have tried doing blood tests and can't find her veins .... Her hair, once so luscious and vibrant red, now uncared for, through no fault of her own either ... Every time I see her, it's like a small piece of her went missing each time .... I'm watching my mum disappear before me and it hurts so bad ... She's my one true and best friend next to Eddie baby dog ... I just know if there's a crisis, I can go to her, I can go to her when everything else has turned to total shit and know that someone still loves me enough to know it's not my fault all the time and who will pick me up when I fall ... And I've done a lot of falling in my life and I still have the scars.

Pain wise, for some bizarre reason known only to the universe, I'm in some fucking rotten God awful pain .... Not even my morning bath eases it coupled with strong Co Codamol ... I'm at a loose end as to what to do in terms of pain management ... I try the whole package I'm aware of as in, hot bath, painkillers, distraction and mind diversion but on occasions like this it still doesn't seem to be enough ... My nodes are so swollen everywhere, the one's around my throat actually feel like they're placing pressure so much, I'm struggling to swallow just a fraction and it notices with my breathing too ... I was up and down the stairs this evening 4 times, I couldn't make it the 3rd and 4th time, the body pain was nuclear and my lungs completely crapped on me .... I felt like I was going to faint as I was gasping for air so much .... No drama intended there ... Just saying it how it was ... My right lung hurts, my lower back feels like I've been kicked there, my left ankle yells at me all the time, my elbows, arms, legs, right leg especially where the nerve damage is, rotten headache ... Just cannot seem to shake the bastard pain off at all .... 

Took my youngest to the dentist earlier today, they were running behind and the lady at reception, with a huge smile on her face, explained they were running behind and their 3:15 was still waiting and we were due in at 3:40 .... My son is fine about it ... My face needed deliverance, how on earth can someone smile all the way through giving you such news?! LOL ... My son pulled his phone out and was playing a game on it, me? ... I surfed eBay and fell asleep 3 times .... That's the thing with me ... Put old Mama Sarcoid here in a waiting room and I am guaranteed to fall asleep if I'm kept waiting for longer than 10 minutes!! Happens every time :) 

Speaking of sleep, I think it's about time I head off to bed ... I have a stack of catching up to do with friends on my Facebook and GG accounts ... Been missing so much of late ... I really hope to settle down at some point tomorrow and just relax and catch up with everyone ... Until then, please sleep well and have sweet dreams ... You're all in my thoughts ... Love you lots, always................


I made this in an app called Lumyer ... It's a VERY cool app LOL 

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