Sunday, 26 June 2016

My Weekend

Well, first of all I've no idea where the time went this weekend, it's gone 10pm on Sunday and the time has just flown by ... I've not felt 100% all weekend, plus with this whole outcome of the E.U Referendum, it's been sad watching friendships failing and people arguing and fighting ... I've been in a lot of pain but that's nothing new these days and I get tired of mentioning it as much as I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing it too .... I've also discovered that someone who caused me a lot of trouble last year on GG is still being a very silly little girl ... I hope that she at least shows enough maturity to understand that it's not up to her who her friends wish to befriend ... I'm sure she's jealous actually but only she knows that for sure and to be honest, I really don't give a fuck ... Go play child ... I'm too grown up for you.

I really don't wish her or anyone else harm, as much as quite a lot of people have caused me so much pain and harm in the past, I think life is way too short ... It's not worth my time and emotion to hate anyone ... I want to spend my time enjoying every moment, making memories and giving what I can to make life better and create happiness as much as possible ... 

Ok, I never really did get round to the next chapter did I? .. I can't even remember where I left off now ... Oh well ... Will start from here in the hope I've not already bored you with this one before LOL .... I'm going back to 2003, the year my husband died ... He died on his birthday, February 13th ... We were with him, myself, my brother and Maria, Dave's mum, dad and sister ... His heart just stopped, I watched my dad die and now my husband too ... Both at their bedside, both the 2 most important men in my life ... Just gone .... I had no clue where I was going and how lonely a journey I was about to undertake ... Yes I had my children, ages 7 and 5 ... But no adult to really keep me on the rails so to speak ... Dave looked after everything, the finances, the house in terms of if something needed doing or went wrong, the car if something went wrong, the whole lot in terms of if something needed doing that I couldn't do .... I really was lost, had not such a great friend at that time, someone who I thought was a good friend but turned out not to be ... Oh boy did I end up way off track ... I was used, abused and thrown out pretty much ... That's it in a nutshell and I will go into it more but my point here tonight is, I really can't hold on to any more bad stuff, it's happened, those who committed their shit are forgiven and I'm living my life trying to make happy memories and with decent people .. I don't need bullshit and the split second I even sense it, you're out ... Why did I end up going off the rails? Well, very condensed, my husband died, I got sick, I lost my home, I was too sick to work but with no definite diagnosis, only supposition and the whole combination sent me spiralling downwards ... I had spiteful ex in laws stirring the cauldron with lies, bringing so called friends into the mess so they stirred up shit too with them ... I literally lost everything, I ended up sick in a bed day and night, too weak to move, too weak and exhausted to shower, too exhausted to do anything ... I stopped opening the curtains, stopped answering the phone, stopped answering the door and opening mail ... I just stopped ... Anyone with half a grain of intelligence would have known it wasn't like the real me ... It took me years of suffering, pain, debilitation and isolation before they diagnosed me with pernicious anaemia ... I don't know if I've mentioned this before, if I have then I'm sorry ... I forgot ... What I'm trying to say is, if someone hurts you, forgive them .. You don't have to be friends with them or keep them in your life, but for you, forgive them ... They may not deserve it, but you do ... You deserve life, you deserve to be happy and to live without stress, hurt and pain ... If, like me, you're chronically sick with a potentially fatal illness, then please ... Let it go ... Let them go ... For you ... I've learned from my friend and sister to make memories, spend time with those you love and who want to be with you, make every moment count ... Because you don't know if you can tomorrow, you might wake tomorrow in a flare up ... You might not wake, that's how it is for me ... I don't discuss the seriousness of this disease with anyone offline ... It's serious and life threatening, every week pretty much, I receive news of a death through the illness I have ... It's so sad ... So live for you, live for those you love and do what makes you happy as long as you aren't hurting anyone in the process .... If you do struggle to get out, I do understand that having a quality of life is more difficult for you and if you could get out I know you would ... You're still an incredible warrior .... Know it and don't let anyone take it from you ... Soul stealers are vile .... You do not owe them a second or the sheer satisfaction of being able to make you feel bad .... You're better than that.

Right, well I will leave it there for now ... I have a lot more I would like to blog about ... Maybe in the week if I get time .... Until then I wish you all love, peace, happiness and every blessing ... Please take good care of yourself, may you be as pain free as possible and without trouble and heartache ... Help yourself to the graphic below ... I made it and just added a bit of sparkle .... Take good care of you and don't forget to live ... All my love and thank you for reading 


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